On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
