at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk is a universal language darling
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
