I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Randomize
