I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
