OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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