uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
