Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
