Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
