I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize