And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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