I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
