She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
