so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
