I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
