Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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