I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
