By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He? As in you personified your dick?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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