every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
