My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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