Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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