All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
