A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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