anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
