never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
