Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
