THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize