my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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