I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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