if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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