Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
