We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
