You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
