"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
