Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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