Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
