Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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