I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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