She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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