i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
