Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
