I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
