She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
