Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
