dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
