he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize