Kiss
Puke
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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