just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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