I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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