3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
