So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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