Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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