he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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