well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
