I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do herpes really smell.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
