I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
