Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
