hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
BRING THE BAGELS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
