My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
