They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
