hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
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MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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