direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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