Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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