non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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